Monday, December 15, 2014
In days time, all of us will be reminded by these two dates: 27/12/2013 & 28/12/2013.
I vividly remember he came home so proud to tell me, "sayang, walid introduced me to his friends in the masjid. "
I was so glad to hear that both of these men of my life were so happy about that day. In days time, I surely know my dad would remember that feeling again. But what could hurt me more is to know now that he remembers the date as a hurftul event for all of his life time now. I understand the anger he has in himself for mistakenly gave me to an irresponsible hands that have hurt his daughter so much he almost had lost me physically. And needless to say, he had lost his supposed-to-be "grandpa" title in the most heart-wrenching way. How could a man who is a father himself could heartlessly felt okay to lose his own baby?
Though I never understood the extend of which his heartlessness had gone, I nonetheless always forgive him for I thank Allah for not giving me a bad heart to do what he does. I always remind myself of that. To a certain point in my life this year, I haf managed to understand the unnecessity of having to be as equally bad to the people who had ill-treat me and my family. I learned a lot about forgiveness from my parents. The amount of craziness they had to cope all throughout the year and the aftermath, subhanallah. All strength was from Allah.
Now as I am moving into my own house, umi held me and hugged me and kissed me at the kitchen table and held my hands firmly as she said this, "go and restart your life again. Just don't be with the wrong people any more." I burst to tears and hughed tight. She pat me and said more, " don't cry. This is your important day." It was the morning that I launched the Muslim Tours and Sahabat Mutawwif programme at my office.
Of many things that haf happened in 2014, I thank Allah for having me in His way at all time. I had had my worst days and had seen the most sinful living one could have and I am grateful I did not fall into their lives though I was part of them. I thank Allah that He had ripped me off the wrong life the harshest way and with the most painful way, but alhamdulillah I know that I am where I suppose to be today.
In my quietest moment, I remember when I had asked him to do istiharah together, he replied me, "you do your way, I'll do my way."
At that time I felt it was such a fool a servant of Allah could say that. It was loud and clear enough at that time that Allah is not his reference in times of trouble and so at that time i told myself that I had to go on alone with my plan to istiharah as the court hearing was on 28/5/2014, but the day I discovered that my Perintah Tambahan Khas that he supppsed to inform me and pejabat agama Negri Sembilan wad 20/5/2014, I had exactly 7 nights to have my istiharah and tahajud to be done. Till then, if my heart changed it would be because Allah has decided it, and if not, it would be as according to doa istiharah itself, "Jika ianya baik utkku dan agamaku; untuk masa sekarang dan masa hadapanku, maka jadikanlah. Sekiranya ia memudaratkanku dan agamaku; untuk masa sekarang dan masa akan datang, maka hindatkanlah aku darinya. Kemudian kau jadikanlah hatiku hati yang redha."
At that time in that doa, whenever I uttered the word memudaratkanku, I burst to tears. Wallahi, He is the Just.
Alhamdulillah, I learn the beauty of being truthful for Allah sake. If I may write my happiness, I would say there are no words for me to tell you this. But my forever advice is to always remain truthful to Allah for when the Yaumul Qiamah arrives, nobody shall safe us but our own amal. Even our hands and body would be the witness of our own wrongdoings. Nauzubillah min zalik.
Have a good night. Assalamualaikum.
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Saturday, December 13, 2014
Syukur alhamdulillah dengan rahmatNya hidup bahagia sgt skrg. Tak kusangka tapi apa yg penting ialah sikap sentiasa bersangka baik kepada Allah dan berpegang di jalan yang benar.
Sebenarnya dah xde kata-kata indah boleh diungkapkan lagi tapi cukuplah dengan menyatakan bahawa doa-doaku ketika tawaf di Kaabah telah Allah makbulkan. ALLAHU AKBAR. Hari ini bagiku adalah reward. Ujian semalam pula x lain hanyalah sekadar cubaan untuk memastikan aku mampu menerima kebahagiaan yang afa hari ini. Alhamdulillah, syukran ya Rabb.
Dulu saya berdoa agar Allah jadikan saya hamba yang redha dgn pekerjaan yang mulia dan di dalam jalanNya. Hari ni doa tu makbul.
Waktu saie dan tawaf saya berdoa untuk kerja dengan mutawwif, alhamdullah dapat.
Waktu tawaf juga saya berdoa agar dapat suami yang membimbing saya dalam urusan agama saya dan suami yang memimpin saya lagi ke Tanah Suci skali lagi in my future. ... untuk yang ni saya suka nak petik kata-kata umi, "sekarang kita hanya nak tunggu je the time to arrive. Till then, Allah menguji lagi kesabaran kita. "
Let me just share some photos here: